


Trust is as fragile as a feather in the wind

by geewizzle



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fear, Gotham, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this after i watched 3x06, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Nygmobblepot, Strangulation, so its not compliant to season 4 unless u pretend they never hurt each other, sounds scary at the start but trust me it gets better and very fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 15:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14358075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geewizzle/pseuds/geewizzle
Summary: Edward finds himself stuck in a moral dilemma when his true fears of hurting Oswald become realised.





	Trust is as fragile as a feather in the wind

Screaming completely overwhelmed Edward's hearing, making his ears ring out in white noise. The sheer intoxicated feeling of disintegrating a fragile life by his own two hands was causing a sly smile to fall upon his face. 

He felt euphoric as he closed his eyes letting out a pleasant sigh, and his grasp tightened around the pale and delicate neck.

The noise of the victim's cries could no longer be heard as Ed felt his mind become more dissociated within the violent act.

This was no longer a person he was putting an end to, but just a neck, an act of true liberation and beauty for Ed. A feeling of comfort that reminded Ed who he truly was and why he felt so in love with the act of murder.

He felt his knuckle ache from how tight his grasp was around the poor soul's neck, and still he continued to push harder and harder until he could feel a brittle bone snap behind the soft, smooth skin.

Ed could hear the sharp snap of the bone because he was waiting for it, he revelled in the obnoxious cacophony as if it were his favourite song. It let him understand that he had successfully completed the kill, a feeling that was incredibly satisfying to Edward Nygma.

Then Ed stopped squeezing and the noise of his own exhausted panting began filling the room. For a moment he was frozen, with the exception of his chest rapidly moving up and down, coming down from the invigorating high. His eyes still closed from bliss, and an opened mouth smile supressing a laugh of pleasantry painted his face.

A moment later, Ed slowly began opening his eyes to reveal to himself just who his victim was, as he had his eyes closed for the entire duration of the bloody act, which was odd for Edward as he usually indulged in the look of terror that his victims flashed at him.

A piercing cold pain chilled down Edward's spine once he glanced down at the mess of dark hair that belonged to his victim. Ed's hands loosened their deathly grip as he looked further down at his victim's features. The soft pale skin of his face, the long dark hairs on his closed lids, the trail of crimson blood flowing down his pointed nose. A face that epitomised beauty, comfort and love to Edward. The face that belonged to Oswald Cobblepot. The man that he loved, the man that he murdered.

As if all of Ed's suppressed emotions of terror, dread and pure horror from all his past and current traumas were intoxicating his psyche in that one moment, Ed jolted forward from the bed, screaming on impulse. His eyes widened in confusion and terror as he observed the room around him, Oswald's bedroom. 

Suddenly he felt a warm hand pat his chest in an attempt for comfort, and Ed hastily turned his head to find a weary but concerned Oswald looking up at him.

"Ed, Ed it's okay it was just a dream!"

Just a dream, no not even a nightmare. His worst fear, one that plagues his thoughts every time he finds himself awake at night hours after Oswald had already fallen asleep.

"Ed, Ed please look at me!" Oswald gently placed his hand along Ed's jaw to softly turn his head towards him again.  
Ed's heart ached when he noticed the tears falling down is love's eyes, no doubt from the fright of Ed waking him so suddenly and profoundly, making the fear of hurting Oswald all the more tangible.

Ed couldn't find the courage to speak and his throat was dry from holding back sobs.  
He closed his eyes, too ashamed to look at Oswald and the flutter of his eyelashes allowed budding tears to trickle down the sides of his face.

Oswald slowly brought his fingers up to Ed's face to collect and wipe away the falling tears.

"Don't", Ed finally spoke, raspy.  
He flinched away from the gentle touch.

"Don't touch me, please".

Oswald's eyes widened in confusion and quietly shook his head in protest, though Ed couldn't see him.  
"Ed, whatever happened in the dream, I promise you you're okay now."

Oswald had a hunch towards what the dream may have been about. It wasn't unusual for Ed to have dreams about hurting his boyfriend, as it was a great fear of his that he had previously admitted to Oswald. The fear stemming from his past encounters of murdering the ones he loved most. However, Oswald had never awoken to Ed like this before. He had never screamed or cried in front of him before, and this alone was scaring Oswald.

"Ed, I know that you would never hurt me, I know that you love me and that you could never do something like that".

Before Oswald could speak more Edward leapt out of his grasp and got out of the bed stumbling as he began walking towards the door.

"Ed, stop please!" Oswald shouted, now entirely confused of what his boyfriend was going to do or where he was planning on going.  
Oswald hastily got out of bed and ran over to Ed before he could open the large brass doors.

"Please just talk to me I beg of you!" Oswald cried, grasping Ed's arm in an attempt to keep him put.

Ed leaned his head against the door with a choked sign. He could feel himself cracking under the guilt of leaving Oswald, but he was convinced that he could no longer be with him if he were to ensure his safety.

Ed was a true danger to Oswald's life and the only way to protect him was to let him go.

"Ed!" Oswald shouted again, snapping Ed out of his troubled thoughts once more. The older man then took both of Ed's hands in his own, twisting the taller man around and looking deeply up at his avoiding gaze.

"Ed" Oswald now whispered, deciding a softer approach to his love might more effectively give him an answer. 

This time Edward looked down at Oswald, and the melancholy that plastered his love's face pained his own heart.

"Ed, please speak to me, please d-don't go" Oswald stuttered, trying his hardest not to break down. Everyone he ever loved had already left him, he nearly lost Ed once forever and he was not going to let it happen again if he could avoid it.

"Oswald you're just going to make it harder for the both of us if you keep begging me to stay. I can't be here anymore. I'm- s".

"WHY NOT?!" Oswald interjected snappishly, convinced that whatever Ed's reasoning was, it could not suffice for breaking his heart.

Then he grasped his love's sorrowful face in his trembling hands, Ed's face becoming hazy as tears blurred his vision. 

"I've loved you more then anyone I've ever known. I've given you my heart and my soul. I cannot trust any person more then I trust and love you, Ed. I'm begging you to stay not just because I love you, but I need you Edward Nygma." Oswald stuttered out, pouring his heart into his words, opening up so vulnerability in a way that he has never revealed before to Ed.

"Ed, whatever is troubling you, I can assure you with my outmost certainty that we will get through it together. No forces have ever stopped us from being together before. Not even our own disdain. I will fight for you, even if it takes every essence of life from my being just to keep you with me by my side. I'd be utterly lost without you Ed, please. Just stay with me and let me in" He begged once more, a final attempt to convince his lover to stay.

Edward's tightly forrowed brows then fell and his eyes fluttered open once more, allowing more tears to fall.  
He brought his palm up to graze Oswald's jaw softly, which emitted a whimper from the latter.

"Oswald, I" He began, struggling to break past his insecurities and fears of the repercussions that may become from admitting the contents of his dream to his love.  
Oswald may forever be feared of Edward, or at least, see him in a much more darker light. Inevitably, Ed thought, he will break Oswald's heart. He may as well give him what he wants just to soften the blow.

"What is it Ed?" the shorter man begged once more. Ed daintily took Oswald's hands and moved them both back towards the bed. He gestured Oswald to sit so he did, never breaking his concerned gaze once. Ed followed but made sure to keep a safe distance from his boyfriend.

A numbing pain embedded Ed's chest as he heaved from fear, but nevertheless continued to allow himself to open up to Oswald.  
"I had another nightmare about hurting you, but this was unlike the others. This was unlike any dream I've ever felt before. It was so tangible it felt beyond real, every minute detailing of the world I was in, felt like I was experiencing it in real time."

Oswald gestured him to go on, bracing himself for whatever horrors Ed's unconscious mind indulged himself with as he slept.

"I-I can't remember the beginning of the dream, or how I got into the situation I was placed in, but I found myself grasping the neck of, of someone. Someone I would never even think of intentionally hurting. Someone that I have an exact phobia of hurting".

Then Oswald understood.

"Me", he hoarsely admitted to spare Ed the pain of saying it himself.

Ed then looked down at the mattress as he continued.

"I couldn't control myself, I was completely infatuated with the act of murdering in such an intimate way. I was entranced with the feeling of pleasure that the murder was filling me with. I didn't want to stop, it was like I was in love with that feeling of utter bliss that I haven't felt in a long time. The feeling I have always felt from murder."

He stopped for a moment, not daring to look at Oswald's expression before continuing.

"I didn't know that it was you that I was killing until after you were already long dead. I was so transfixed on the action that I didn't stop to consider who's life I was ending."

Ed now spoke softly, as if his own words were sharp on his tongue and tempted to pierce the flesh of his lips.

"When I realised it was you and what I had done, I felt an overwhelming fear of horror that I had never felt before. The realisation that I killed you and that I could never bring you back. But what scared me most...was that I enjoyed it".

Ed then regrettably looked up to catch Oswald's reaction. He was defeated, his chest moving up and down quickly with anxiety. Oswald felt frozen at his words, but he was not afraid like Ed feared he would be.

Oswald's heart was breaking at how much Ed was hurting himself, and what he feared was that he may not be able to help him.

"Oswald, I'm scared that one day I might not be able to stop myself. That the thrill of the kill will become too overwhelming and I'll have ended your life too quickly for me to stop myself. You cannot tell me that it will not happen because I've lost control before. Remember I killed Kristen Kringle by the same act, there's no surety that I won't do the same to you. I'd die before I ever lay a malice finger on you Oswald, so therefore I need to leave so the possibility of ever hurting you is non existent".

With that, Edward began to once more get up from the bed and leave the trembling man he called his love alone.  
However, a clammy but cold hand grasped his wrist, stopping him in his tracks and before Ed had a moment to act, Oswald was kissing him with all the passion and emotion he could muster. 

He tried with all his might to not tell but show Ed that he trusted him with every fibre of his being, that he knew that his love could never hurt him and that he never had anything to fear.  
Edward tried to pull away but Oswald just pulled the man tighter and kissed with more force, tears never failing to slow from his eyes.

Edward couldn't help himself but give into the rough but tender kisses, filled with so much love and emotion that he felt himself become lost in it. The similar feeling of exhilarating bliss that he felt in his nightmare now felt at home with his lover's sweet kisses.

He then realised that Oswald was his escape from the horrific lust of murder and executions, he was his one weakness as he was Oswald's.

He quickly grasped Oswald's jaw in his two hands kissing him more deeply, and smiled between the presses of lips together.

He understood what the dream meant now, it was a harsh reminder of how much he needed and cherished Oswald in his life, and how much he would be lost without his lover, soulmate, best friend.

Oswald giggled in between kisses, incredibly surprised with how much Ed's demeanour had changed but was nonetheless relieved.

Eventually the lovers drew their heads back and mutually placed their foreheads together, gazing into one another's eyes.

"You, Edward Nygma are the one soul person who I trust wholeheartedly in this retched world. I believe in you as you believe in me, and now I ask of you to believe in yourself. You have control Ed, you're just afraid that you're not in control of the person you once were. I made you Edward Nygma, remember. If anyone can see you for who you truly are, it's me".  
Ed pulled away so he was looking at Oswald's entire face, his mouth agape as his love continued.

"And Ed" he continued, "Believe me when I tell you that you will never hurt me".

Ed then hugged Oswald, closing his eyes as he breathed in the scent of the older man, silently thanking him for his clarity.

"Are you okay now Ed?" Oswald asked, slightly out of breath. He didn't need Ed to admit his thoughts right now, he just needed Ed comfortable.

"Oswald, oh god i'm so sorry" He closed his eyes in shame again, but this time for a different reason, the cowardice of nearly leaving Oswald because of a fantasy entirely concocted in his subconscious mind. 

"Shh" Oswald hushed, "it's okay, let's just go back to sleep. It's still very early in the morning" He comforted.

Ed groaned at the positioning of the clock's arms on the table beside him and goofily hung his head against the pillow making Oswald laugh.

"I'm assuming that's a yes to sleep then?" He asked his love, getting himself under the now cool covers.

"Oh, you're always so smart my bird" Ed hummed, mimicking the same action.

"You know I love it when you call me that, not that I'd admit it to anyone else. It makes me feel cute" Oswald chirped, placing his head on Ed's chest as he layed down and wrapped both arms around his torso, as if to never let him go.

Ed grinned, "Well you want to know something that I love, arguably more then anything I have ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on?"

"What?" Oswald tiredly asked, missed sleep beginning to catch up with him.

"It's you Oswald, and it always will be you". 

"I love you too Ed".

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this was technically my first Nygmobblepot I had written and this is also my first time posting on here so please play nice. (I wrote this like after 3x06 so hence why they ain't canon compliant) Feedback is very much appreciated <3


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